To quote Jim Rohn, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” That makes you stop and wonder about who you are associating with, doesn’t it? “Show me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are?”
These simple adages hide a profound truth that isn’t always comfortable to face.
“A man is known by the books he reads, by the company he keeps, by the praise he gives, by his dress, by his tastes, by his distastes, by the stories he tells, by his gait, by the notion of his eye, by the look of his house, of his chamber; for nothing on earth is solitary but every thing hath affinities infinite.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
In other words, what we do and the company we keep, can either lighten and brighten our lives, or keep us mired in discouragement and darkness.
This truism may seem a bit simplistic to some, but in simplicity sometimes lies the most powerful of epiphanies.
When we think about the company we keep, we of course refer to the people we chose to associate with — the people we let into and keep in our lives. Surround ourselves with positive people and we’re more likely to be positive. Let in bad influences and we’re more apt to immerse ourselves in negativity.
While we can’t control who we associate with all the time, as perhaps in the case of co-workers or family, we can control other people we let into our lives.
A prime example is the my friend’s son. He’s bright, courteous and has a good set of core values. He started hanging out with some questionable ‘friends’ for a while and the effect was abundantly clear — he’s started to behave in a more negative way and his once perpetually sunny disposition, dulled. The choices he started to make ran polar opposite to who he really is inside and it raised alarms for all that knew his true nature. Fortunately, he self-identified the problem and pulled back from these new ‘friends’ and once cut off from them, he returned to his true self.
It’s also easy to be trapped in a cycle of negativity by surrounding ourselves with the wrong kind of people. However, the good news is that we have the power to nip this negativity in the bud.
Let’s look at five common types of people that can be identified by their predominant negative characteristics:
The Disrespecter
This is the person that doesn’t respect you or your time — they don’t return your calls, or they keep you waiting when you have plans —when you voice annoyance, they dismiss your feelings. The “disrespecter” is someone who demands respect, but rarely shows you any and while they’re quick to invalidate your feelings, they expect you to always validate theirs. The disrespecter is usually a nitpicker who will constantly criticize and judge, often disguising their personal attacks as care and concern.
The User
Just like the “disrespecter,” the user is a fair-weathered friend. You never hear from them unless they need or want something from you. The user takes, but gives little in return. Call them on it, and they try to weasel out of it — it’s you who has the issue: “you’re being too sensitive.” If this type of friend isn’t there for you when you really need them, then are they really your true friend? Cutting “the user” out of your life will probably make you feel better, because you can move forward once you have closure on the relationship.
The Betrayer
Someone who back-stabs you is no friend. Anyone who talks about you behind your back or who harms your reputation is never going to be a trustworthy friend. If they’re truly your friend, they would defend and support you. The backstabber poses a direct threat to your positivity. Do you really want or need this type of person in your life?
The Gloomy Gus
This is the friend who is always negative. A real downer, this friend is forever complaining and pointing out the bad and never the good — a naysayer who rarely smiles or has a positive word about anything. The “Gloomy Gus” is a downer who feeds on negativity and is incapable of lifting your spirits and one often feels worse after having spent time with them.
The Liar / Troublemaker
The Liar and troublemaker often embodies the previous four traits too, but they’re more dangerous because they’re usually pathological liars who get you into trouble. They’re bad influences who coax you into doing dangerous or negative things – the liar doesn’t know how to be a trusted and reliable friend and a true, long-lasting relationship with the “liar” will be very challenging. This is the person who wants to drag you into their chaos and negativity because misery loves company. One must be very vigilant when dealing with the liar and troublemaker because long-term exposure to them can do lasting harm.
Being a positive person and leading a happy life is hard enough, so we should surround ourselves with trustworthy people who support and encourage us. When we expose oursleves to negativity, it’s bound to rub off on us. Any friend or loved one that holds you back has to be re-evaluated so you can determine to what extent (if at all), they can be in your life.
While it’s never easy to cut ties with friends or loved ones, sometimes it’s necessary so we can grow into the person we strive to be. Ultimately, only you can decide who you want and need in your life and only you can make the decision to distance yourself from negative influences — look deep inside your heart and soul and that should help guide you as you make these decisions.